?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Shifting focus

I've learned it's hard to make myself write things, and even harder to post them. But I enjoy reading everyone else's posts so much I'm once again making the try at it.

For much of the last year I've been trying to do many things, and failing at most of them. My head knows how it's supposed to go, and my heart remembers pulling off projects with delighted regularity, but today's reality is I just don't do it.

So this last couple of months have been me acknowledging the things I've said I would do and haven't, and letting the other folks involved know that they need to get someone else in. I'm really grateful to you all for having faith in me, and the grace and generosity you've shown when I fell short of that faith.

For now, I'm hunkering down. My daily energy is being directed at doing the best job I can at The Country Store and Farm. I'm allowing my time off work to be claimed by extra sleeping, reading a book, and light housecleaning. I've already passed on my responsibilities to all but one outside project, and now I'm going to stop mentally telling myself that I'll go to that drawing class, start back in on martial arts, put time into that stained glass project, or pursue any of the dozen new business schemes that bounce around in my head. Better to have no aspirations, and then accomplish some things anyway, than to constantly be surrounded by the things I am failing to do.

That's the plan anyway. Time will tell what works. Thanks for listening.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
msagara
Nov. 7th, 2014 04:30 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

Guilt is so corrosive.
alicebentley
Nov. 10th, 2014 05:02 pm (UTC)
True! And it helps more than I can say for me to have realized that, and deal with it instead of just ignoring.
sartorias
Nov. 7th, 2014 05:57 pm (UTC)
Wishing you strength and energy!
alicebentley
Nov. 10th, 2014 05:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks, especially the strength. Now to hunt me down some wisdom, as where to direct that energy once it returns is still a mystery.
kaffyr
Nov. 7th, 2014 06:34 pm (UTC)
You've done the brave and responsible thing in acknowledging failed projects and promises, and facing the people to whom you made those promises.

You are doing the wise and responsible thing by narrowing your focus to replenishing your own mental, physical and spiritual energy.

I wish you strength and peace.
alicebentley
Nov. 10th, 2014 05:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the support. It counts.
(Deleted comment)
alicebentley
Nov. 10th, 2014 05:09 pm (UTC)
I'm still not sure about what I'll be posting, or when, but I'm determined to make the effort. Later. (Gotta run off to work now.)

Thanks for the encouragement!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

after all
alicebentley
Alice Bentley

Latest Month

September 2017
S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
Powered by LiveJournal.com