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A grey day of emotional disquiet

Today has been one after another of things which should upset me, and don't (or maybe they do) and things which shouldn't upset me, and do (until I think about it some more) along with an un-looked-for side helping of messing about instead of getting work done.

One thing going on today is that I've decided there just isn't room in my life for the hundreds of VHS tapes I've accumulated over the decades. A short eBay stroll persuaded me that there is no realistic chance of selling them - you can pick up copies of a dime - so I posted a listing on vashonfreecycle. I had four people respond, and two have already come by and picked up three or four shopping bags of mixed tapes. I hope the other two people show because there's still seven bags sitting here.

If I allow myself to think at all of what I spent getting those, or of how much I enjoyed watching them, it only leads to sadness. I know I'm not going to make the time to watch them again, and that the expense is balanced by that very same past enjoyment, but still the only way I've been able to give them away and be happy about it is by not thinking about it too much.

Another more troubling event is that our very old cat Cinders is on her last few days. Any morning I expect to see that she's passed away in the night. And today she's stopped eating even the hand-fed special treats we've been getting for her (mmm, salmon...). I know she has very little time left, and if we had all the options we used to have I would probably be pushing for the Last Trip to the Vet, which would upset her tremendously but at least there would be no pain. As it stands, I'm just not willing to spend the $130 they quote when she still clearly does enjoy sitting, being held and having her head scratched.

While this explains to me why I'm playing PocketFrog instead of compiling more info for the Girl Genius Cast List, knowing why doesn't really make it better. But I'm still gonna go check on my frog eggs after I post this.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
icyfeetofdeath
Jun. 29th, 2011 01:59 am (UTC)
Give Cinders some scritches from me.
apostle_of_eris
Jun. 29th, 2011 02:54 am (UTC)
This will only take a couple of minutes, but I guarantee it will aleviate a little of what ails you.

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tlunquist
Jun. 29th, 2011 01:05 pm (UTC)
{hug}
sff_corgi
Jun. 29th, 2011 01:06 pm (UTC)
[another hug]
mbcrui
Jun. 29th, 2011 06:18 pm (UTC)
So sorry to hear about your cat.
Our old dog is getting there, too, so I know what you're going thru.

We moved all our VHS tapes into the attic when our player broke. The reason for not getting rid of them is we're watching for another player at Goodwill, and then are going to transfer them to the computer. That's been the plan for 2 years... sigh... maybe we should freecycle them.
isherempress
Jul. 2nd, 2011 01:07 am (UTC)
Mary, we have a VHS player that works that we don't use. I will send it to you via Tullio.

Alice, I'm right there with you. Looking at my vast collection of books seriously bums me out - both because I spent so much $$ accumulating them and also because I just don't care about re-reading them anymore. It seems like such a huge waste. I'm starting to feel like all of my possessions are "owning" me, rather than the other way around. And regarding the cat - oh man, I'm just so sorry. I know that Cinders has passed on to her great reward, but still, cut yourself some slack: you did all you could with what you had for the cat. She knew the score. {love you}
acmespaceship
Jun. 29th, 2011 11:08 pm (UTC)
Having recently done the Cat Vigil myself, I think I know the feeling. I felt unfocused and disconnected in the weeks leading up to, and immediately after, Falstaff's long journey. Not quite able to settle down and do anything. And yes, nostalgia for old things like videotapes. I took surprising comfort at Duckon being in the old Windycon hotel; also Benny Hill reruns (for crying out loud). Clinging to the past, which is not typical for me. This past week, finally, the fog is lifting and I've accomplished more in the garden since Monday than in the preceding three months. (Weeds? They're trees now!)

Hugs to you and a chin scratch for Cinders. I hope her passage is easy and you will be at peace with it soon. Unlike the ancient Egyptians, we won't have to shave our eyebrows... but still I guess this was never meant to be easy.
backrubbear
Jun. 30th, 2011 09:52 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear about Cinders.

We ran into something similar with the tapes. We still buy the odd DVD when it's something we're likely to rewatch, but even then we don't rewatch them very often. More often than not we simply use the online Netflix.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )